Can you read this story and tell me what you think of it?

Wow, I really liked that. It's creative, while (like you intended) still encomping elements from the fantasy genre. If you write your story as clearly as you did this synopsis, you'd have a great mcript on your hands. One word of caution, don't post your story online. If you intend to try to publish, no publishing house will pay you good money for your story when you're giving it away for free online. Good luck!